Jan’s Journey
She was determined to be a mother, even if doing it alone
His name was John and he completely changed her life. But, let’s start at the beginning:
Jan Droegkamp was born the oldest of two girls. She appeared on March 8, 1946, first daughter of two school teachers in a small town in Wisconsin. Her sister arrived exactly five years later –to the day—again, on March 8*. They were a loving family and gave a stable grounding to Jan who would one day travel the world.
Being raised in an academic environment, she naturally gravitated toward teaching. Organizing six or seven neighborhood children in her backyard to “play school” was one of her pleasures. Reading books by Pearl Buck, Tom Dooley and others laid a firm foundation of giving to others.
Following a college graduation with a degree in Education, she began teaching at the 5th Grade Level in the Wisconsin school system.
“The schools were not very progressive, so I went back to college to get a Masters in Counseling,” she said. “If I couldn’t teach in a more progressive way, I thought counseling would still keep me in touch with kids, but, perhaps, in a way I found more acceptable.”
Then, one day, she saw a postcard which drew her interest. It was advertising the Peace Corps. That’s when she realized her interest in living overseas.
After graduating with a Masters in School Counseling, she applied to the Peace Corps and was accepted. In 1972, she was assigned to the country of Jamaica. Her in-country assignment for two years was to teach educational psychology methods to teachers. It was to encourage positive behavior from the children.
“It was there I was first exposed to poverty, race and class discrimination, ” she said.
She spent the next two years in-country working for the betterment of people. As the time for her service drew to an end, she was approached by the Peace Corps who asked if she would go to Lesotho, southern Africa, and head the counseling program for the nation. The current administrator was going to the United States to complete her degree.
*Years later, she would realize this was International Women’s Day which holds great meaning to her.
“Back then, it was very common for someone who knew another volunteer to simply ask for that person to receive a special placement in some position.” She said, “It was a normally accepted occurrence So, I went to Lesotho, Africa, and ran the Counseling Department of the Ministry of Education for a country of two million people. There were only 30 Peace Corps volunteers in-country then: five women, and 25 men. I stayed there for the next three years.”
She spoke very matter-of-factly as one who has carried large responsibilities for a long time. Her work included running the Counseling Department, and secondarily, helping to empower women to be more economically independent.
“I, also, started a teacher’s training college and had a radio program. Everyone spoke English as this had been a former British colony. So, language was no problem.”
At that time, Desmond Tutu*, was in exile in the country and Jan remembers meeting him several times in the course of her daily business.
“There in the capital city there were only about 30,000 people and it was nothing out of the ordinary to run into him. This service was like no other education I could ever have planned…watching history in the making.”
“In Lesotho, I was also exposed to apartheid and all its miseries. I watched young teenagers working in the mines, needing documents to travel in their own country, and virtually, being treated as slaves by the white South Africans.”
But, time passed, and she was, again, at the end her Peace Corps service. In thinking of returning to the States, she couldn’t imagine simply returning home to counsel in schools again.
Then, as once before, she was approached by a colleague who suggested her next step.
“My friend was the Dean of the School of Education at the University of Massachusetts. He suggested I apply.
“So, I went to Massachusetts and began a four-year International Education Program for Humanitarian Aid towards an Education Doctorate. My ultimate goal was to return overseas and work for the United Nations or, perhaps, USAID (U.S. Agency for International Development).
- Desmond Tutu (born October 7, 1931) is a South African social rights activist and retired Anglican bishop who rose to worldwide fame during the 1980s as an opponent of apartheid. He was the first black Archbishop of Cape Town and bishop of the Church of the Province of Southern Africa. His admirers see him as a great man who, since the demise of apartheid, has been active in the defense of human rights and uses his high profile to campaign for the oppressed.
-Wikipedia
“During the courses, I traveled overseas to work with other people. We wrote grants to get money for students, get projects to work on, and get money to hire people. We worked to show students how to get money and how to run the grant-writing lab in places like Indonesia and Thailand,” she said. She was also able to work in Kenya through her academic program contacts.
It was during this time in her life that Jan had a relationship that she thought would be permanent.
“I remember sitting at his kitchen table, one day,” she reflected. “I was about 36 or 37 years old at that time, and I asked him: ‘Are we going to get married? Are we going to have children?’ “
His answer was brief: “No.”
Jan was taken aback and simply said, “….Oh….Ok….” She remembers going home and thinking about the relationship, and also thinking, “This is not where I want to be.”
A few days later, Jan attended a conference where she met a woman who was eight-months pregnant. She remembers the woman saying, “I’m single by choice.” Jan thought to herself: “You can DO that??” A life-changing moment had arrived.
“I decided to do it on my own. I was going to find a baby or get pregnant.” Either way, Jan determined that she would have a child.”
“Shortly after that, Ted Koppel had a special report on the ‘Single Mothers by Choice’ movement in the United States, and I spoke to my family about my decision. My parents said, ‘We support you.’ So, I looked into adoption, but the time for single parent adoptions wasn’t good. I even tried coaxing a friend into helping me with the project.” But the timing wasn’t right.
“About that time, I was hired by the Peace Corps, again, to train new Peace Corps Volunteers in the Fiji Islands. I thought: ‘I’m going to bring home a Fijian baby!’ ” Knowing that several other Peace Corps Volunteers had adopted, Jan thought she would go in-country for a month, adopt a baby, stay a month, then leave.
“When I arrived in Fiji, I asked the taxi driver to take me directly to some orphanages rather than the normal first stop of the Peace Corps office.” She was ready to begin.
“Soon after my arrival, I asked a Peace Corps colleague to take me directly to some orphanages. She knew she was ready. He said, “Do you really want to adopt, or do you want one of your own?” Faced with the question, Jan realized she preferred one of her own. His dazzling smile and solid background convinced her that he, himself, might be a good biological match.
After that, Jan shared her plans with her Peace Corps supervisor. “Let’s keep it quiet,” she was advised.
As time passed, Jan was busy working in two villages for weeks training new Peace Corps Volunteers. She wore loose clothing which made it easy for her pregnancy to progress without much notice.
“Eventually, my Peace Corps term came to an end, but, before leaving Fiji, I asked Netani: ‘If my son wants to meet you – can he?’ His answer was positive. So, I came home to the States pregnant, without a job and a soon-to-be single mother – by choice.”
“When the baby was born, I named him John because I thought I would be going overseas, again, and the name would be easy to translate into any language. He was only two weeks old, when I went for a job interview – John was in a pouch strapped to the front of me as I sat in the interview chair.” Against all odds, she got the job.
Jan was now a college professor of International Studies in Springfield, Illinois to teaching global studies courses, her program involved assisting adults to acquire college credit for work experience and design their own BA and MA programs. It was a job she would keep for the next 21 years.
Over the following years, she became more involved with the group “Single Mothers by Choice” with a membership of 50,000 women. One of the group’s programs was a research study run by a New York psychiatrist. During a period when Oprah Winfrey was interested in the subject of single mothers, possibly questioning her own biological clock, Jan was approached to appear on her show.
“It was 1991, and my son was six-years-old. It was broadcast live in Chicago at 3 p.m. in front of 35 million people.”
The question remained: Was she glad she became a single mother?
“John is a gift. His presence has enriched all our lives. He inherited his father’s laid-back island nature and is part of so many friends’ lives,” Jan said smiling. “It’s a human need and desire to procreate. This experience grounded me. I feel connected to the Earth. I feel global. I always felt I was here in this world to be a mother.”
“When I was on the Oprah show, I was asked lots of questions such as did I do anything differently. So, I said: ‘I saw examples of how other women and families raised their children. They figure out resources for their needs, some under extreme hardships. I had it easy; I have surrounded myself with lots of friends. I’m not in an abusive household, not had disappointments, and all the decisions are mine.’”
Drawing upon all her experiences, both domestic and international, Jan states, “Married women are never asked how it is to raise a child, why are single women (asked that)? Women just do it. I had it easy with a good education and support. I didn’t have to walk four hours to get water.”
What did she do about giving John some male influences?
“I made sure he had male babysitters, and requested male teachers. He joined teams and hung around boyfriends. I would throw Fiji Independence Day parties every year to introduce him to his heritage, but he would never claim it.”
Did he ever meet his biological father?
“Well, his father emigrated to the United States many years ago and called me one day, asking to talk with John. John was not interested. From then on, every time his father called asking to speak to him, John turned him down. Until, one day, he didn’t,” Jan said.
“I remember saying, ‘Oh, good! I’ll pack and get ready to go with you.’ But, John, said no, he wanted to go alone. He was 15 years old at the time.”
John went to San Francisco, by himself, and met his father for the first time. Since then, he has visited the Fiji Islands twice to meet his six brothers and sisters.
“He’s really developed into a man’s man.,” Jan said. “He’s dated many girls, some internationally, and he’s in contact with his 50 plus Fijian cousins on Facebook,” she smiled.
Did she ever go back overseas after John was grown?
“I did. I helped start the Peace Corps in Zimbabwe and did work in Bangladesh. After retirement, I worked as Assistant Peace Corps Director in both Albania and Uganda for four and a half years.” John went with her in his younger years to Zimbabwe, Thailand, Cambodia, Jamaica, Cost Rica, Italy and the Bahamas.
So, how did she come to The Villages?
“Well, I was living in Uganda with no house, no car, and feeling exhausted. A friend invited me to come here to rest. I think I, finally, realized I have Seasonal Affective Disorder and needed warmth and sun. While visiting, I saw how friendly it was here with so much to do. Then, incredibly, the neighbor next door to my friends put her house up for sale. So, I thought I might buy a winter home.”
Jan became a Snowbird in 2012. Staying in the Villages from November to April each year, and returning to Illinois the rest of the time.
And, Now?
“I’m a docent for the Abraham Lincoln home in Springfield, Illinois; I perform marriages, and have a strong spiritual life in the Unitarian Universalist Church in both Springfield and Summerfield, Florida. They favor Social Justice. So, now, I’m 71 and still alone. I’m not really open to finding a companion,” she mused. “Maybe I should have worked harder at it.”
Recently, she was asked,
“What is the wisdom of your Life’s Journey that you would like to share?”
“I’m a Peacemaker. I believe that all people need to be treated with respect and dignity,” she said. “I believe I’m on this earth to challenge other people to go out of their comfort zone…to go from the known to the unknown. And, I’m always working on the Peace Corps’ third goal: ‘Educate people about the world.’ That’s how we learn when presented with new ways of thinking.”
So, John? How is he?
“He’s 32 years old now and working in retail. Just last year, John married an American woman with two children. His father and one of his sisters came from Fiji for the wedding.”
Not long ago, John’s own son was born. His name is Kingston and he has completely changed Jan’s life – again.
